Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Men

I read an article recently about a man got divorced because he refused to wash his glass and it hit me right into the feels.

There was one week my mum went to Kelantan for an event. For that one whole week, I realized something very disturbing and frustrating. I'm taking over her place.

In that one week, I did all the chores. I bought groceries, I cooked, I made sure the house was clean.
At that moment, I felt like I'm being a mother for the 2 men in my house.

I did everything. I am becoming a mother and I don't like it.
This is why I was so afraid of losing my mom. Because I would automatically be doing what she had been doing for the past 20 years.

Let me tell you how the men in my family behaved.
Cooking a full meal is not an easy task, especially with no one to help with the preparation or doing the dishes after that. The 2 men came home, sit down, finished their own plate, left and wash their own plate. So what happened to all the pots and woks? The chef did it. Not only the chef needs to prepare and cook and serve, she has to CLEAN as well. Talking about serving, this 2  men are like the king, they need to be invited to dinner. All they had to do, especially the older one, was sit down and eat, just like he's in a restaurant. Then there's a waitress to pick up his plate. That waitress is my mother.

Did they say anything about the food? Nope. Did they say thank you? Nope.

Nvm that one. I was already tired cooking and washing ONLY to see the laundry still there. I asked my brother to lipat kain, his response 等下, later.

I took my bath, I came out, the laundry was still there. 
Can you imagine that boiling sensation inside me.

My mum always said, why not do it yourself rather than asking them to do, since they won't do it. She said don't ask my father to do it cause he is already tired from driving all day. Well you have been working all day too! 

That's the problem with my mum, she's not only being a mother to us, but also a mother to her husband, which I really hate to see. And her husband let her do all the things. I don't like it when my mother picked up her husband's plate after he finished. He's got hands and legs. All he did was drive all day. He then came home with a full meal waiting for him and a servant to serve and wash his plate. I don't get it mum, why do you have to do this. You are not his servant or his mum. 

The 2 men in family don't know how to appreciate the women. And my mum let them do that to her for the past 20 years. Because both of them are 木头, a big big 木头。

When I went to buy groceries, my brother would wait in the car, just like his dad. He didn't care if the things I carried was heavy or not. Last time when we go to the fishmonger to buy fish, you know what my dad said, he said the place very BAU, he didn't want to go inside. So he let my mum did all the fish hunting at that place he called BAU. But when he eats the fish, it wasn't BAU at all!!!!!

I've seen my friends parents buying groceries together at the wet market at Lido and Putatan. How come their husband never complained about the foul smell of the place? How come the husbands are considerate enough to help carry the heavy groceries? How come both my brother and father NEVER DID THAT?!

Once I asked my brother to help me to wash my cake utensils because I was already tired making 2 cakes. He saw the sink and his yelled at me 酱多?!

Damn, your mum and I have been cooking and washing all the dishes and the pots and pans, we never complained 酱多?!You ate the cakes and pizzas I made, who do you think washes all the utensils? A servant?! ME and your MOTHER, you dumbass!

My mum got so tired of asking the two men doing things for her, so she'd rather do it all by herself. Why can't you guys automatically do things without us telling you what and when to do it. Both of you are grown up men. I don't want to be the next mother. I LOATHE it to the bones. That's why I'm so afraid of losing my mum. My mum thinks I'm being illogically paranoid, she didn't know what I'm about to face in the future. 

One more thing, my mum has this mindset that men shouldn't dry the clothes because they shouldn't touch women's delicates. WHAT THE HECK! What century are you living in mother?! Is this why until now I've never seen my dad do the laundry?

I really hate this situation in my family. I talked to my psychologist about it, she said if I can't change anyone I should change myself. So what was I supposed to do. DO EVERYTHING BY MYSELF LIKE MY MOTHER?! 

I HATE THIS FAMILY!

Friday, November 24, 2017

Family Day

Totally forgot to post about this event, Family Day. 

On the 3rd of September, my dad's side family hold a family day, aka Hari Keluarga. We descended from a family line called Sakag Luwing Lingos, SLL. Luwing and Lingos are my great great grandparents. As some of you know, my dad is from Kota Marudu, a small little town located 2 hours from KK. When he announced that this year, our family day will be held at a resort, I got so excited! I mean RESORT! It's been awhile since I step foot on a resort. 

Breezy beaches or cold mountains, tiny comfortable houses overlooking the beautifully design landscape, and most importantly clean toilet. Oh it made my mouth grinned from end to end. For the first time ever, I got so hyped about dad's side family day. This is because, all those previous hari keluarga were held at some kampung houses.

Dad requested me to bake 2 cakes to bring there. That time we were still staying at platinum apartment. So using the limited space, I managed to whip up 2 beautiful cakes.

As usual, we woke up early and departed early in the morning. Stopped by at Inanam to buy some snacks  for my cousin's children, then headed to Tuaran to have a quick breakfast. By the time we reached Kota Marudu town it was 10am++. We stopped at my cousin Velni's house to drop all the things we've packed for them. Things like clothes, computer chairs, stationery, soft toys, books, bags, shoes and my brother's smelly mattress. Yes, our hilux was fully loaded. 

Unfortunately cousin Velni was not around, she'd been to Ranau with her friends. Only her children and her husband were at home. I've mentioned before in my previous post, my cousin Velni, who is only 9 years older than me, has 6 children. The eldest is already 14, and she's as tall as me, she looks just like her mother. After that, 4 of the eldest children followed us to the family day event. They sit at the back.

It was quite a long journey from the town, dad kept getting whatsapp messages and calls from his relatives. He was thrilled, I got exhilarated as well as I couldn't wait to see this so called resort. I never knew Kota Marudu has any resort. We got lost in the middle of somewhere. I really don't know what's wrong with my father, he's one of the committee member and yet couldn't even locate the place.

After awhile of futile searching and frustrations, he decided to ask for direction. It turned out, we were at the wrong junction. 

After many wrong turns, we finally got to our destination.


Tada! This is our long anticipated "RESORT". 

Mum already warned me not to expect too much of a kampung style resort. But it never came across my mind that THIS open air dewan with zinc atap was our meeting place. I was so bummed. Seriously dad? I think you need to change the definition of resort in your dictionary. We later found out that this is actually a taman rekreasi, NOT A DAMN RESORT. There was a river on the right side of this photo, some of the relatives were having a whale of time there. 


This is the cooking area. As I was informed, one kerbau was potong to make our lunch.


While waiting for our lunch, we took photos with my 2 aunts. The one in blue is my youngest aunt, the one in black is my oldest aunt. The second aunt doesn't get along with them, so I rarely see her, well to be fair, I rarely see any of them. Hence till now, I still don't know their names. Couldn't even recognize my youngest aunt.


Dad and the committee member who failed terribly at organizing this event, I'll tell you more on that.


Finally, 放饭咯!As you guess it, all beef. 


The gong.


On the left, mocha cake with chocolate whipped cream and dark chocolate ganache drizzle.
On the right, butter walnut cake with same icing. 


The elderlies get to cut my cakes. That lady with purple hat was NOT one of our relative member. She just crashed the party and even took the present home! Me no likey her. 
No wonder she kept hiding her face with that hat.


So these are my relatives whom I never met or talk to. There were about 100 people before, but many left after the lunch. You know lah orang kampung, sudah makan, sapu pantat bye bye. Thanks to the man in blue colour shirt in the middle, our family day event had an emcee to conduct the flow of the programme.

So let me tell you why was this family day was a huge failure. 
Firstly the venue itself. I think the photo was pretty much self-explanatory. Plus it was too far away, it was located somewhere in the middle of the jungle. Many relatives had trouble going there. 

Secondly, the committee member. When we reached there, we all just sat down doing nothing while fanning ourselves. That zinc atap trapped all the heat from the scorching sun. It was about noon time, lunch was not ready yet. All the kampung folks were hungry. NONE of the committee member did anything about this, including my dad. 

So after awhile, my dad's cousin/my uncle, the guy in the blue jeans shirt in the above photo who just arrived from KK couldn't watch this anymore. He volunteered himself and took charge of the event. He became the emcee. He's not part of the committee member. So instead of letting us waiting hungrily, he asked us to introduce ourselves, one family line at a time. So we did. 


This is from our family line. I've never seen 90% of them.

Little did we know that some of these relatives were very talkative. One family has 1 representative to introduce the entire family. Some of these uncles/grand-uncles got a tad hyped. They talked about each of their children (imagine they have 10 children), where they are working, how many grandkids he has, how old each one of them and so on. The list seemed never ending. It got boring. So my blue shirt uncle had to cut short of the introducing session and told them to just introduce those who were present.

Thirdly, time management. Because there was no one there smart enough(except for my blue shirt uncle) to realize that there was no emcee present. We wasted 2 hour waiting doing nothing. No introduction or entertainment whatsoever. So we ended up pretty late at about 4pm. People are leaving already because of the rain. There were a lot of things could have been done during that wasted time. For example, telling us the purpose of this event, introducing us to our great great grand parents, and who are we to each other. Nope. 

Also our lunch was late. Everyone was hungry. I was hangry.

My stupid dad blamed everything on the missing emcee. He said the supposed guy didn't show up. So I said yea, then why didn't you do something about it? Instead of finding a new emcee or BE the emcee yourself, you were there busy sittin, chillin, chattin with your bunch of useless committee members on the stage. I was already deeply enraged upon seeing the venue and also hungry.  Don't blame your incompetency on some other guy. You are one of the committee member, you should do something about it instead of busy catching up with your relatives. None of us can speak dusun, you speak dusun, you communicate with them.

You know what, I couldn't believe they elected him as the vice president of the committee member for 2018/2019 family day.

SMH.

You know for the past year, my dad always went to Kota Marudu for his so called family day meeting. So much time and effort spent, yet this was what turned out to be. No organizations at all. Complete disaster. Where are all the planning? What do they talk about during the meeting? They didn't even have a banner. Where was the money used? My dad even said something which made me wanna bum my head on the wall. He said we should print the family tree on the banner next time. What for you wanna print the family tree?! It was already printed on A4 size papers with so many pages because each family has so many children. What you need to print is a big family photo with big big words like "HARI KELUARGA SLL 2017 "

All in all, this family day was nothing but a huge disappointment. I've seen so many successful family day with at least a printed banner. Sadly ours is just not one of em'. Let's hope that the newly elected younger members will gather their kampung brains together and figure out how to improve our next gathering. Seriously don't rely on those older generation members. They only know how to talk cock.
得个讲字!

4pm++ we left. It was raining heavily. Some of our relatives who tumpang our car got soaked wet on their way home. We were met with jammed traffic on our way back. I think by the time we reached KK it was already 8pm. We were utterly famished. So we settled our dinner at Lido. We always dine at Lido cause there were so many food choices there. 

And that ends our tiring day.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Limited Part 2

Originally this post was meant to be a second part about my limited resources, however today's incident hit me right through the soul, and it fits the title perfectly - limited.

Few months ago, I found a little mountain protruding out of my back neck, I consulted the doctor at the dermatologist, she said it was an infection and I was given antibiotic, kurang bengkak and tahan sakit. It disappeared after a week, but I can still feel there's something underneath my skin. Since it didn't give me any trouble I ignored it.

Before I went to China, the mountain came back again and it's more painful than before. Hence I went to the clinic. The doctor said it's a boil or bisul in Malay. I was given the same medication. Disappeared after a week.

Few days ago, the boil got swollen for the third time and this time, 2 more boils surfaced and my finger also got swollen. Mum and I got really worried, we went to the emergency at QE. I told the female malay doctor everything about it. 

You know what's her reply?
She said she can only give me the same thing, antibiotic, pain killer and anti swelling. Her cold unsympathetic look made the situation even worse.

I told her again, I've taken it before, it obviously didn't help. This is the THIRD time for F sake. I told her I need a surgery to remove the tumour thing growing inside my neck.

She said the surgery department won't accept me. She said I don't have any fever, my neck only swells a little bit, and there is no pus (脓). I was shocked to hear that.

So do you mean I need to wait until the thing grow into the size of a golf ball, with pus oozing out everywhere and I get high fever, then you will remove that thing from my neck? I was so effing pissed and frustrated and started to break down.

I asked her, so what if it comes back for the fourth time? Fifth time? 
Then her answer infuriates me to the max.

She said, I've met a similar patient like you, was fifth time, I gave him/her the same thing. The surgery department wouldn't accept.

So am I suppose to just leave it like that? The thing IS STILL INSIDE! I asked her again, boiling inside. 

She didn't reply and started prescribing me my medication. Guess what. Same 3 things.
That damn doctor didn't even bother to touch or have a look at my neck.

I was left speechless at that moment, my eyes burned like hell, tears won't stop dropping.

Looking at the medications, I felt a strong sense of hopelessness. Suddenly I felt so small, I felt so weak, I am a mere human.  I couldn't let my mum take me to the private hospital, even a minor surgery could cost thousands. I couldn't let that happen.

At this point, nothing could help me anymore. Medication is limited, human power is limited. So God came across my mind. 

For the first time in ever, I sit down quietly and deliberately prayed for His hand of healings. . For I have lost faith in human, I didn't know where to look for. I have a debate with myself before, there's no such thing as 100% faith, even when human get sick, we still need to see doctors and medication. For me, seeing a doctor is putting 50% faith on human and the rest on God. So if his power is so almighty, let this sickness prove me wrong. I need a strong testimony to prove that. 

Please pray for me. Let this tumour growing inside my neck be forever gone and never come back.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Limited Part 1

I was inspired to write this post back in July/August when we were staying at the apartment. I was procrastinating cause when I have to write a post, firstly I need to be inspired, secondly I need to sit up straight right in front of the computer, I can't do it using my phone, I hate typing with phone although you can practically do anything with it. Bigger important things like email, buying air tickets, or any money transactions, I would prefer using a computer or laptop with huge bright screen and keyboard. Oh and thirdly, my brother is watching the tv, so the tv territory is occupied. 

Back to our story, in platinum apartment, everything was limited. Let's start with the space shall we. I'd mentioned this in my previous post in chinese, but I'm gonna mention it again - it's freaking damn SMALL.

Some people have no trouble living in an apartment, but we did. Most probably we already get used to bigger area.

I'll let the pictures do the talking.


Tada! Welcome to our home. This is my dad's stepsister's house. Since she's not in KK, so she offered to let us stay here. Thank God for this temporary house, plus it was so near to our house. Or else we needed to rent. It was a total mess as you can see. Because the drying area was too small, we had to make a temporary hanging thing for the clothes to be dried. The two rooms were occupied by my step-aunt's stuff. My mom and dad slept in the master bedroom, the only room with air-conditioning, hence the 2 mattresses on the floor. So this is our living room cum bedroom cum dining area.


This was where we cooked for almost 2 months. It was torture I tell ya. There was only 1 gas stove. So we can only cook 1 dish at a time. My mum and I always bumped into each other. That's the door leading to the drying area. It couldn't be opened completely due to the storage stand you see there. Oh can you see the small refrigerator covered with white cloth? It was a headache as well. As a baker, I have lots of things needed to be refrigerated. So every day, we need to rearrange everything, and we cannot stock up on our food or ingredients. Must be finished after every meal, and sometimes we didn't. You understand my pain now?


Every time we took bath, water splashed every where. The tissue was soaked in water.


The small drying area I mentioned earlier. The ventilation of this apartment was really bad. No direct sunlight and very humid. How were we supposed to dry all those thick clothes and jeans?

1 more thing also limited, parking space. Each house was only given 1 parking lot. So what happened to our second car? Thank God Hallelujah Jesus Christ, we got a free non-occupant parking near to our unit. 

Apart from the limited space, we also had to bear with limited data. My dad likes to watch videos, in fact ever since he got his smart phone, he never watch tv anymore. He didn't have a plan, my mum's 1.5g data obviously not enough for him to share with. Therefore, my brother had to sign up for a plan. Not enough, I signed up with a plan as well. Still not enough. Had to ask him to watch less videos. With so many things to watch on the web, there will never be enough.

So yea, through this experience, I learned about limits. It's like going back to year 2007 again when  mum first signed up the cheapest wifi plan, it was only RM77. That time there was only 2 hours per day. So my brother and I made a deal, 1 hour for him, 1 hour for me. And surprisingly, we adhered to that deal very strictly. My goodness, we were so good back then. If now, I don't know how to live with 1 hour wifi a day. There's a saying that goes like this, people nowadays breathe wifi. Couldn't agree more.

Anyhow, it is only when we are limited that we start to be grateful. Hence, I thank God that now we are no longer confined to limited space or internet data usage. Praise the Lord Hallelujah!

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Sense of Belonging

Woah, it's been 3 months since I've updated this blog. 

Couldn't fall asleep, damn brain, hence I'm writing this now, hopefully I'll be able to sleep after expressing all my inner thoughts through words.

This year, I conquered my fear of going out and meet people. I made myself active by joining toastmasters and dancing. I thought I would be happy. For a while, I did. And then my damn brain started to become depressed again.

Looking at pictures of a group of happy people together makes me feel lonely. In toastmasters, I felt happy. But certain times, these aunties will have their own outing or yam cha, without me. 

Then, I looked at pictures of my dancing school mates. They were so cheerful together with their vibrant dancing costumes and makeups. I was not part of it. 

Both situations are the same. These 2 bunch of people have been together for a long long time. I feel like I couldn't fit in, just like old days again. The first group is a bunch of aunties, most of them in their 50s or 60s.I knew some of these aunties' children. Some of them have become grandparents. Obviously I'm not in the same generation with them. Along the journey, I've met a lot of toastmasters from other club. Some clubs have very young people and I can see these bunch of young adults were having so much fun together. I started to wonder, did I join the wrong club? 

As for the dancing school, it's exactly the opposite. Too young. These youngster have been training for years, they are very much close to each other. They train day and night together, they join competition together, they travel together, they pretty much did everything and share everything together. It's impossible for me to break through that strong bond and be with them. I'm a young adult, ergo I join the adult group. The adult group consist of a 60 year old grandma and a couple in their 40s. I only mentioned these 3 people because they are very consistent, I've been dancing with them for about a year. What about the rest? Previously there were a few youngsters as well, but because of the lousy system the school has, they left. I think it is only a matter of time that I too, leave this school. 

Here's the reason, whenever there are newbies coming in, the teacher will teach them, so what happened to us? We follow them. Learn from the beginning, learn the basics. I've seen so many youngsters left because they find that they are not learning anything new anymore. They are 2 teachers, but the older one would let the younger one do all the work. Supposedly the old one can teach the newbies and younger one teach us, the already more advanced group. But she mostly do administrative work.For me, I think it is a vicious cycle. As long as they are newbies coming in, there's no way the young adult group can learn much. I guess that's why the principal doesn't pay much attention to the adult group. He knew that people would come and go. Unlike his younger students which he teaches in a group. 

Lemme tell you about these aunties who came to join us. Some of them are complete Kaki Bangku. Means cannot dance at all in BM. Seriously, I'm not kidding. They can't even remember the steps, let alone dance with the music. It's impossible I tell you. 

And now, to make the situation worst, my favorite younger teacher is not going to teach us anymore. She's going to pursue her studies. With only 1 teacher left, how am I going to learn anything? I got so depressed and cried nonstop when I found out about this. Coz I know I'll be missing a really good and dedicated and patient and passionate about dancing teacher.

I'm joining the solo event for my dancing competition, it is coming very soon, and so far I've been on my own, literally solo. Do you know why I don't have a partner? Because the couple refused to partner with each other, so my fav teacher who was supposed to be MY partner, became their partner, both! Today during dance practice, no one was there to teach me. I was literally dancing SOLO. The couple had her for the whole class.

I got so mad, frustrated and then depressed again. No one knows the anxiety inside me starting to build up like a mountain. I'm a newbie and my chance of winning is very low, I guess that's why no one cared to pay attention to me. Seriously, like in 2 weeks! I haven't even mastered my routine. I don't even know how to balance myself because of the damn heels. 

I'm not a part of the aunties nor the bunch of young talents. I'm a young adult who longs for the same level companionship which I never get. All my peers have their own friends. I don't. But still I thank God that at least there is one friend who would ask me out when she's in town. She's going back to UK for her graduation. I thought I've gotten past through the graduation sadness, apparently not. Every time I see my friends graduate, my heart still aches. I thought I would feel nothing when I see my friends happily receiving their degrees, flowers and congratulatory notes, I'm not. Deep down, I still wish that I was the one standing there. 

Confession of a depressed young adult.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Kurang Asam dan Pedas

So few weeks ago I met this lady at a seminar, we talked and she seemed like a friendly lady. Once she found out that I was a baker, she immediately suggested that we could be business partner. 

Few days after that, she called me to discuss about the collaboration thing that she told me earlier. I thought, wow, she really meant it. The business collaboration that she proposed sounds very good to me. I was asked to be a baking instructor at her cooking class, she teaches her signature dish, asam pedas, I teach baking stuff. Since it's a business, so why not? There's no reason to say no to money right? I instantly gave her green light. Oh and I call her kak.

After we set the date and everything, kak asked me to do the promotional poster. It seems natural that the younger one should do it right? So I said ok.

I did my first version, she didn't say anything about it but asked me to meet her at a local restaurant with wifi. When we reached the restaurant, she didn't like the seat I choose, too near to the window. She moved to another seat, she felt warm, no air-conditioned. She moved again, now feeling cooler with air-cond, but still complaint saying too noisy. She saw the empty "reserved" area, so she asked the waiter.

Nanti ada event kah? Bising kah? Jam berapa mereka sampai?

After considering for a few minutes, she finally agreed to sit there. When it's time to order our food, She kept asking me what was this, what was that cause she said she can't see even with her spectacles. Hence, I carefully explained everything to her. Finally, she decided to order sweet and sour fish, then she called the waiter.

"Ini ikan ape ye? Ada sayur ke?" She asked.

The waiter quickly inquired about it in the kitchen.

"Pirate fish" The waiter replied.

"Apa? Pirate fish. Ikan apa tu? Apa nama bahasa melayunya?" 
She furthered asked. I was watching in astonishment while sitting beside her.

The waiter went back to the kitchen to ask again.Then came back saying, tidak tau nama melayu.
She kept on pondering as if making her once in a life time decision, she even GOOGLED the fish! OMG! She also kept discussing with me about the type of fish. Finally, she made up her mind.

So the manager found out about this fiasco and hurriedly came out to explain to her that it's not dory fish which she didn't like. It's a good quality sea fish. After being rest assured that she's being served with the highest quality sea fish, she eventually settled down and started to talk about our business. Half an hour wasted on that damn fish.

Apparently she didn't like my first design, so it's okay, nobody likes the first draft anyway. She told me some of her ideas. Then we moved on to figuring out how to manage her 4 facebook accounts. Only God knows how did she came up with so many accounts.

I spent a lot of time explaining to her about facebook things. She even wanted to make a blog, so she mentioned about wanting to go to my house to use my wifi to do it. I didn't give much serious thought about it at first. Luckily I had a gathering after that, or else we could be there until midnight just having social media 101 lesson. She had 2 sons to do it, but instead of asking for their help, she asked this stranger whom she just met for the third time.

I went home and edited the poster, she was not satisfied, I edit again. Still not satisfied,  edit again. 
I was already getting annoyed and anxious. She still didn't like it, so she called me and said wanted to come to my house to do it cause got wifi. I was like WHAT?! Is this kak for real?  We only met each other 3 times! So I told her my house under renovation, no wifi, I used my own limited data to do her poster at another house.

Nevertheless, she still manage to stop by for a while. In the car, she brought her laptop, she asked me to save her version in my USB. Then she SPECIFICALLY instructed me to do this and that. I went home and immediately edited according to her instructions. 

I let her see. STILL not satisfied. WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN! So I decided to give her one last chance, I edit it for the one last time. If she still reject, I'm gonna end this whole thing. 

Can you guess what's her reply? You got it. Still not satisfied.

Fudge this shit.

Enough is enough. I straight away message her nicely that I cannot do it for her anymore nor can I be her baking instructor. She called me right after that.

You marah ke? She asked nicely.

Eh Hello siape yang tak marah?! You think I ni sangat senang ke nak balik balik buat kerje untuk kau, U ingat u je yang busy? I pun busy juga. I kene buat order, kene attend event, kene prepare speech, masak, buat kerja rumah, part time writer. U ingat u je yang tak pandai buat, I pun google juga. I belajar sambil buat lah. U mau font yang fancy fancy tu, I memang tak dapat buat. I ni bukan designer pun. I cume seorang baker je. Kak nak cantik cantik, u hire lah professional designer. U ingat I ni boleh hari hari buat poster untuk u?! Edit 8 kali dah, 8 kali! Masih tak puas hati. U nak macam mane?! Poster yang sepatutnya simple simple u jadikan so complicated. Kak kene faham, I work WITH you, not FOR you. I tak ambil gaji buat poster ni tau. Sebenarnya poster ni asalkan ada important infomation, dah lah. Tak payah nak susah susah. Kak tap pernah nampak poster ke?

Of course I didn't type that lah. I don't know where that Semenanjung slang comes from. She is the second women that I've met who is so fussy, demanding, troublesome and thick-skinned. As much as it pained me to end this collaboration, I had to do it. I need to end it for the sake of my sanity. I cannot work people like this. Making the poster alone already gave me such gigantic headache, imagine the future. I don't think I will have my own space after collaborating with her. I can't imagine her inviting herself to my house every now and then just to teach her managing social media, not to mention blogging lagi. Bu tiam oh wei. I'd rather not earn her money than to have my peace of mind. She just crossed that fine line, I couldn't imagine how many lines is she going to cross in the future. She took advantage of my house free wifi, so rich, but so kiamsiap, don't want to install own wifi. 

In the phone, she terus changed her mind saying that she's fine with the last edit. You should have said that a few edits ago. After persuading me for 7 whole minutes on the phone, she finally gave up. It wasn't easy for me to stay assertive on my side. I'm not good at rejecting people. So I wanna applaud myself for bravely doing that. The moment I hit the send button, my hands were shaking with sweat you know. Heart racing and pounding as if I'm running away from a predator. It was nerve-wrecking!

Now that everything is settled, I felt a sudden relief, the big boulder on my shoulder had disappeared for good. My psychologist said I either continue to work with her or accept the way she is. 还是一刀两断最好,快打斩乱麻,以免未来无法自拔。

I think this is my first post using three languages.

Lesson learnt, not every open door leads to golden opportunity. Sometimes, when something sounds too good to be true, there's a catch behind it. Usually a price to pay. In this case, my sanity. Be careful when choosing a business partner, know their personality, their standards, their way of doing things before finally saying yes. Some money are better left not earned, or else you'll earn yourself a huge pain in the ass.

Monday, August 14, 2017

感恩感恩

不知不觉,我们住在这间小公寓已经一个月了,时间过得好快。

由于家里进行大装修,所以我们得找另一个栖息地。
非常侥幸的,我爸爸的妹妹有间小公寓在附近,让我们一家人有个地方暂时安顿下来。
感恩感恩!

刚开始住进去的时候很不习惯,很讨厌,其实到现在还是不怎么喜欢。
厕所小,厨房小,房间小,对于我们这整家大只佬来说简直是煎熬。
做什么都很不方便,尤其是冲凉,手脚一直碰壁,真麻烦!
很幸运的的是,我们家在低楼,所以免得上下电梯。
之前还埋怨我的家很小,但比起这个小公寓,我的家算是宫廷了。
感恩感恩!

还有,一间屋子只有一个停车位,所以只能申请一张入门卡给一辆车。
每一次进出都要刷卡,非常麻烦。没有卡的又要被质问,管理层非常不好。
后来,那些保安也不理这么多了,干脆叫那些没有卡的从另一个入口进去。
我们非常侥幸公寓前面有个空停车位,应该没有车的屋主所属的。
让我们第二辆车有个地方安顿。
感恩感恩!

我妈妈说她从来都不喜欢住公寓,很久很久以前有想过买Beverly Hills, 但一直犹豫。后来非常庆幸看到Putatan这间排屋,风景漂亮,便宜又不用10% deposit。所以直接买了下来。1999年的价钱是RM90,000而已。比上不足比下有余,虽然比不上有钱人的大豪宅,但有一间舒舒服服的屋子住就要谢天谢地了。
感恩感恩!

说到屋子,现在一间小小的公寓都要RM300,000起跳,我们这些年青人如何买得起啊?!

不知不觉,我们在这个Putatan家住了整整十年。
十年前,我们只用了RM20,000装修,RM5,000买所有的家具。
RM5,000?! 你没听错。
当时,我们就只是用了RM5,000买一套沙发,一套饭桌,厨房柜,电视柜,我的一个单人床和父母一套双人床(还包括两个衣柜和化妆柜)。
回想起来,还真是要感恩感恩!

由于家里没有小孩,所以我们的家具都保养得非常好。我们的沙发已经捐给大舅。
剩下电视柜和橱柜要卖掉,有兴趣可以联络我哦!


电视柜,99.99%完好,RM300,价钱有的商量。


橱柜,80%完好,RM300,价钱可以商量。

现在,只是厨房柜就要RM14,000!!! 吓死人!
没办法,妈妈很久就想要内置(built-in)的橱柜,看起来更美观,实用,加上要用好的材料,所以才会那么昂贵。

十年了,屋子到处都是蹂躏,这里漏水,那里穿洞,电线又 sot 下 sot下,所以才想要一次过翻新,修复,upgrade整个家。以前为了省钱,请了一些kopi o 的电线佬来拉线,怎知道问题一大堆。拆下天花板才发现原来那个菲律宾人的“杰作”简直是一塌糊涂,乱赛龙!一切必须从新拉过,荷包又出血。说到荷包,其实这次我们有机会进行大装修还是要多谢爸爸。
再次感恩感恩!


拆下天花板,露出凌乱的电线。


厨房大改造。

妈妈说可能还要一个月,由于爸爸的工人礼拜天才得空,所以进度非常慢。
好像回家。。。。。。
希望这个kopi o 的室内设计师不会让你们失望,科科!
做好了,肯定会请你们来家里做客!

Monday, July 24, 2017

Science VS Christianity

Science and Christianity are two very contradicting subject and if you were to to argue with one another, there would be an unending debate.

There are many things in the bible that couldn't be explained in science. For example, the parting of the sea, water turned into wine and most of all the Resurrection of Jesus. There's no scientific evidence of these things, and we cannot perform any of the magical bible incidents today. If not, the whole earth would be drenching with free wine everyday, which now I think about, it's not a good thing. 

Science on the other hand, has a comprehensive and detailed proven method to prove something, and it's reliable because it can be done and witness many times. Nevertheless, in some cases science without testimony would be pure waste. Beauty products for instance, no matter how much science try to prove it useful, if there's no testimonies from the users, others won't be convinced to buy your product. So you'll need both to be a strong and persuasive marketer.

While science has evidence and properly recorded procedures to prove itself, Christianity has nothing, all it has was testimony. Yet millions have claimed that they experience the wonderful grace and mercy of God. I myself have a few too. And that's why I still believe in God, but not going to church or read the bible. Because going to church means I have to accept the entire bible, which is contradicting by itself and also accepting the other ridiculous things they do.

I used to follow everything in the bible. I followed what my church members did. Some of the things they did I find it ridiculous, and yet I still follow, most probably because of peer pressure. It's a psychological effect called social conformity. Everyone was doing it, it would be odd if you didn't. They told me to speak in tongue which is just saying out random meaningless words. They asked me to prophesy, I saw cupcakes when I closed my eyes, most probably I was hungry or yearning for cupcakes at that time. I was taught that spreading the gospel is every Christian's duty, and I did, I shared with a few strangers and my popo.

All of these ideas were planted in my head every week I went to church. The interesting part is once these idea had been planted, it would grow and grow stronger. No matter how ridiculous it may sound. These deeply rooted ideas had cause some of the christian communities to view things only from their perspective. I once had a conversation with a few church member about gay issues, they straight away refuted my point without understanding the scientific fact which I was about to share with them. A vital concerning social matter turned into a subjective topic. 

I'm not saying that I fully support the LGBT, but at least I'll try to understand the whole concept. I accept facts from science and discuss it with an open heart. Not just strictly shut away people's findings and all that. Getting ridiculed and treated unequally by the society have caused many LGBT to suffer from mental illness, that's why I'm very into this issue. I always wonder how does a Christian psychologist stay objective while attending to their patients? Speaking of objective, I have met a psychiatrist who shared the quran verses with me once, she even encouraged me to read the quran.

By the way, a recent incident about a transgender male who gave birth to a child shocked the whole world. I was thinking, if you wanted to be a man, why still give birth? Are you the father or the mother? So yeah, all I can say is the world is getting more and more chaotic. All we can do now is pray.

Some Christians says you can only stand on one side, some even gone to the extend that you don't need medication to heal, this is not right by the way. However, they didn't realize that while standing firm on the belief of Christianity, they are also accepting science at the same time, wearing a glasses for instance, that was actually a prescription for your eyes.

Science has become part of our lives, without science we cannot survive. At the same time, we need a belief, Christianity for example, helps us to stay to the core of our moral values as well as giving us a sense of security. Whether or not there's a God, believing in something mighty can psychologically helps you to feel secure. There are a lot of things science cannot control. For instance, when you're in a plane, science convinced you that it is safe, but a prayer will lead you to believe that you ARE safe. Science and Christianity can exists together concurrently. Many famous scientists are Christians. Isaac Newton, Galileo and Pascal were fine examples. 

Christian haters, especially the LGBT communities, not all Christians are homophobic, some of us are not as rigid as a raw spaghetti. Despite some flaws in the bible, it has good teachings too. Some verses are encouraging and lifting. As for the atheist, have you ever wondered why our planets never collide with each other but there are car accidents everyday? That's because men invented the the road while God created the universe.

Christians out there, when a depressed person reveals to you about their problems, please don't just plainly shove down verses into their throat. Sometimes when a person is depressed, he or she might lose faith in everything, including God. So sometimes it's better to listen, and maybe give a warm hug if you're right beside them. You can also say a simple sentence like this:"I understand that you're going through a lot of pain right now, thanks for sharing it with me."  

I stopped going to church because at some point of my life I lost faith, but I still couldn't get rid of God. The idea of God has been deeply ingrained inside me, it was like a magical flame, every time it dies, it will reignite itself. Talking about magic, can't wait for J.K.Rowling two new upcoming books.

All I wanna say that I'm now more open to many possibilities. Perhaps the prophecy was right, I'm baking right now, but baking is not my ultimate goal, I have something bigger in mind that I wanna achieve one day.  

God bless everyone.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Moving on

Along the journey, I've learnt so many things. However, there is one pivotal lesson that I've yet to master - Moving On.

If there is a hypothesis for this life lesson, I would call it "The longer you dwell on your past, the longer you're stuck and cannot move on."

Here's a good example. I happened to meet an old millionaire living far inside the kampung area, don't play play oh, kampung people can also be a millionaire. He owns a few acres of fruit plantation including durians. So this chatty ah pak and I were talking and I found out that he's also the owner of an electrical repair company. He mentioned that he also has repaired ovens, I got excited because I have always wanted an oven, a convection oven. So I asked him for the address, but I couldn't understand as I'm not good with maps and roads. So I asked my mum to listen to him.

After we bought some really cheap dalit durian from him, we headed back and ready to find this repair company. However, when we hit the road, my mother said she didn't actually get the direction, so we ended up winding around Bundusan area with minimal information that I got. So I told my mum I got frustrated and upset as we lost an opportunity to find cheap oven. We have walked into so many kitchenware and electrical shops, the price of the oven was way way over our budget, some German or Italy brand one can go up to RM4000++. I was not willing to let my mum spend that amount of money on my convection oven. So I sat in the car, feeling woebegone, lost my mood for my next event, 

Then we came across a kitchenware shop at Taman Fortuna. Thank God Praise the Lord Hallelujah Amen! I erupted into sheer joy when we found an affordable convection oven, a kitchen hood and a stove! All three things are Elba brand and under RMM4000. Only God knows how jubilant I was, everything under our budget! Seriously, we have walked into so many kitchenware shops, this is the cheapest by far. By the way, if you want to search for cheaper lighting shop, go for K2. I found some other lighting shop, they sell the same thing for a triple price. 

So how did I move on? 
I've learnt that I need an assurance(sometimes double or more) or someone to blame if it's their fault (or so I think). It was only until my mum apologized that she didn't remember the direction, then I can move on a bit. Then I finally let go of the entire thing when I found the cheaper brand new oven. 

So here's the thing that I've learnt. Whenever I meet a speed bump, instead of stepping my own accelerator and get over with it, I need someone to remove that speed bump for me. Like this case, an apology and a durian runtuh or great deal. 

Just yesterday morning, I found out that I wasn't suppose to reveal something on social media. But I did, so this friend kindly requested me to remove it as it was confidential. Hence, I felt sooooooooooo bad, I felt soooooooo guilty, I kept on bashing up myself, why am I so stupid and all that. I couldn't move on. It was only until she reassured me that it's fine because it was an honest mistake, and her superior hasn't found out about it which I hope she never will, then I felt a bit relieved and moved on a bit. Or else I'll never forgive myself. Then I have to keep reminding myself that, it's okay, she has forgiven you, you already removed it, no one is seeing it anymore. 

Sometimes I got too excited and post it on social media without giving much consideration, This reminded me of a funny statement by Will Smith. He said this in an interview. "I was dumb, but I was dumb in silent." Then he looked at his son sitting beside him. If you know what I meant =) 

Anyhow, the conclusion that I make for this experiment is: 
The rate of moving on is affected by the time taken to dwell in the past.

P.S, yesterday I just found out that my house cannot install convection oven. It requires 3 phase wiring, my house has only 1 phase. If I want to upgrade to 3 phase, I need to apply at SESB, which requires a complicated process and a consuming time to approve. So make sure your house can support your oven or any other big electrical appliances before buying them.

Bye convection oven =(   

Monday, July 17, 2017

My First Toastmaster's Speech

To become a toastmaster, you have to complete a series of assignment before you can earn the title.
As a new toastmaster, I'm doing the Competent Communicator manual, there are 10 speeches/assignments. My first assignment is called The Ice Breaker which is to introduce myself, as simple as that. Nevertheless, as simple as it may sound, it was not easy for me. I had panic attack before going to the meeting. Thank God I managed to finish the whole thing after a whole afternoon of practise.  So here it is. 

Competent Communicator 1 (CC1) The Ice Breaker : Me and Myself  

Good evening fellow toastmasters, hi my name is Winnee Raplin. I am a sino kadazan, I speak mandarin but not kadazan. (Audience laughed) I am 23 years old.

I am a little home baker who just started to venture into the world of business making this year. I love baking, baking makes me feel at ease plus my whole kitchen would smell like butter. (Audience laughed) For me, butter is the most fragrant smell in the entire world. I bake cheese tarts, savoury puffs and pies and cakes.

Baking is science, except that it is better, because you’ll get to eat the results! Without the right measurements and temperature, your baked goods won’t turn out the way it should be. Hence, baking is all about experimenting until you get the right taste and texture.

During my leisure time, I enjoy ballroom dancing. I started taking ballroom dancing lesson last year and I cherish every moment of it. Prancing around the dance floor with the flow of the Latino music makes me feel energized instantly.

Apart from baking, I would like to become a motivational speaker one day. To be frank, I am struggling with depression and anxiety. For the past 6 years, I’ve been living in the shadows of fear and worry. I was leading a furtive(word of the evening, everyone knocks the table) life. However, this year, I told myself I need a breakthrough. I need to step out of my comfort zone and do things which terrified me, which is attending social events like this. Since I had my illness, I was afraid to talk to strangers, I find it gruesome when I’m around with unfamiliar faces.

Therefore, joining SWEPA and SWEPA toastmaster would be the perfect platform for me to build up my confidence and self-esteem apart from meeting all the amazing women and men (audience laughed). These people had inspired me to become stronger and improve myself in various aspects.

My source of inspiration comes from Nick Vuhicic, an Australian motivational speaker born without arms and legs. Despite not having any limbs, Nick has found tremendous success by touching millions of lives with his incredible life journey. Hence, I wanted to emulate him and use my own story to inspire others as well as creating awareness about mental health issues.

Some of you might not be aware of this, according to the statistics of Malaysian Health Ministry, 1 in every 3 Malaysians is suffering from mental illness at some point of their lives and this number is increasing at an alarming state. So, I urge all of you to care more for each other and shower people around you with your love and blessings. A simple how are you or how is your day might change someone’s life. Aspire to inspire, that is one of my mission.

There is one crucial lesson that I have learnt from my sickness. “If you’re depressed, you are living in the past. If you’re anxious, you’re living in the future. If you’re at peace, you are living in the present.” I was always devastated because I dwell too much on my painful past experiences. At the same time, my excessive worrying made me stuck at the same situation over and over again, it was a never-ending exhausting cycle.

It was until I met my psychologist, then I learnt how to live in the present. She taught me about mindfulness and to accept things the way they are. Let’s keep this invaluable quote deeply ingrained in our hearts, “Yesterday is a history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that’s why it’s called present.”

Dear toastmasters and guest, 

Let’s appreciate what we have right now and let bygones be bygones. It is still never too late to start a new day with fresh hopes and dreams. Let’s remind ourselves that tomorrow is going to be just fine. 

Thank you.


Although I've memorized y speech so well, my nervousness caused me to forget some parts and I had to refer back my notes.


The theme is Go Green, hence the Pandan leaves. 
Thank God there was only about 20 people on that night, sometimes it can go up to 50 people on special occasion like the last meeting of the term.


Me receiving my first badge from Immediate Past President (IPP) Dora Voon, standing beside her is Vice President of Education (VPE) Dr. Amelia, who is a speech specialist.


My Evaluator was Tiffany, a guest from China's toastmaster's club. Sometimes we have guest around.
She said that I'm very brave for sharing my experience. VPE Amelia commented that my speech needed to be more organized which I had done so in my second speech. IPP Dora said I have good command in English. Since I'm a first timer, so they gave mostly good feedbacks. 
Anyhow there's a lot more improvement can be made. Thanks for all the wonderful feedback.

So yeah, all in all it was a good first speech experience. 
 Stay tuned for my second speech. 

If you wanna know more about toastmaster, click HERE to read it on my second blog.

Friday, June 30, 2017

I'm Officially a Driver! Part 2

Let's continue with my journey to get my driving license.

If you haven't read Part 1, you may click HERE.

The remaining driving lessons went out well, I'll just jump straight ahead to the driving final exam aka JPJ test in Malaysia.

Prior to the exam, I've been practicing using my mum's proton for a few weeks. I also practiced hard on the RPK and RSM. RPK is Rutin Pemeriksaan Kereta whereas RSM is Rutin Sebelum Memandu. I even went to the extent of recording my tutor when he's showing me the procedure of RPK, then I also searched online about the procedures and wrote out everything on paper. I practiced it with my mum in a remote area where no one sees us. You see how much effort I've put in? I never joke about exams, I take them seriously, like really serious, cause I don't wanna redo the whole thing over again, plus wasting money and time.

Taking a driving license was way different than back then. Back in 2011 when I first took my driving lessons, (yes, this was my second attempt) there's no such thing as RPK I mean there was, but we didn't have to memorize and show it to the JPJ examiner. We only had a short few hours workshop (bengkel) which the tutor demonstrate it to us and that's it. 

Ok, with full confidence on the RPK and RSM thing but not the driving part, cause I was still shaky when it comes to changing lane and going into roundabouts, I arrived at the driving institute very early.

The place was already thronged with drivers wannabe. I sat beside a lady. She broke the ice by asking me if this was my first time. I said yes. She replied this was her second try. According to her first experience, there were 40 plus students who failed in their first attempt. I was immediately taken aback. Man, this is tough! About 9 am, the JPJ examiners arrived, all looking pretty smart with their navy blue uniform. Most of them were wearing dark reflective glasses. It was totally Man In Black mode. 

The lady revealed to me that, some of them are lenient, some of them are strict, especially the lady officer. There was only one lady officer at sight. With my fingers crossed, I pleaded God not to give me the lady officer. 

The head JPJ officer started to assign students with the JPJ examiners. 
And guess what, I was assigned to that one and only lady Officer.
Thanks a lot, God.

With my heart pumpin' like a racing horse, I walked slowly towards my automatic Axia. 
The lady officer was quite big and tall, with a ponytail tied up nicely behind, her eyes were hidden behind those black glasses, I was intimidated by her whole look. After checking my details, with a stern voice, she told me to start. 

I put my handbag on top of the dusty car and started my well-memorized Rutin Pemeriksaan Kereta. I was so nervous that I dropped my handbag halfway during the routine. After I've done everything I could remember, then I told her I've finished. 

Her: Sudah check semua?
Me: Yea.

She wrote something on the paper. 

Her: Saya tolak 5 markah.  

Wait WHAT?! I looked at her astonishingly. What did I miss?

Her: Kamu lupa check ni hos air dan cara kamu check bateri salah, siapa suruh kamu buka tu bateri?
     
I was already getting tensed up.

Her: Ni, wiper....apa maksud ok?
Me : Dalam keadaan baik.
Her : Apa dalam  keadaan baik?
Me: Getah dia?
Her: Apa tu getah dia? Macam mana tau getah dia keadaan baik?
Me: Tidak tau......(tears started falling like water fall)
Her: Kenapa tidak tau?
Me: Tidak kena ajar. (sobbing like a baby)
Her: Kenapa kau nangis?
Me: Sebab kau garang.
Her: Ish, malas saya mau layan budak budak kecil macam kau.

Her non-stop questioning pushed me to my limits. I broke down instantly in front of everyone.
Can you imagine, every pair of eyes was set on you? I took my handbag and rushed towards the toilets in an instant.

I really didn't know how to answer her questions, I did everything as I was taught. Apparently what was taught by my tutor was different than she expected. I touch the rubber of the wiper, I said it was fine. I didn't expect more than that. That's why I cried.


My mood was totally ruined. I was trying really hard to calm myself down for the next test, the ramp. I sat there sullenly at the pondok while watching other students started their bukit test, tears won't stop dropping. I really wanna call my mother and go home at that moment. This was just too much for me. People with anxiety should have a specialyl assigned officer or something.

About half an hour later, my tear ducts had finally dry itself up and my name was called for the first test. For your information, manual car students don't have to do the ramp. Thank God I was given enough time to regain my composure. I took a deep breath and walked anxiously towards the ramp. Before we start our test, we need to do RSM, Rutin Sebelum Memandu, where you have to make sure everything is well adjusted and working including the seats, mirror, and lights. The lady officer was there too, I was still prayin' hard to God not to assign me to this fierce lady.

Thank God, I was assigned to a guy examiner. I did my RSM, then off I went with my first test in the circuit (litar). This guy officer was so much friendlier. Now, why can't that lady be more like him?

My ramp was fine, then followed by going up the hill (bukit). My front tyres were stopped directly on the yellow line. The third test was the side parking which was also perfectly done. The fourth one was "Z", continued by "tiga penjuru", and lastly "S". I passed every test smoothly with flying colours.

By the way, the "Z" and "S" didn't exist the last time I learned.

My mood turned so much better after knowing that I passed all the circuit test.

After that, it was the test on the route, real roads with real cars and real ass hole drivers! I got another guy examiner, Thank God he picked the easier route for me, Putatan route, where I didn't have to change on busy lanes and big busy roundabout like the one in Donggongon route.

I did my RSM, then started my journey with fingers crossed. Along the way, I drove at only 40km/h. Slow and steady like a turtle was my game. In this route, there was only 1 challenging part, the one at Putatan Matahari junction where I have to change lane to the main busy road. I did it pretty well.

The next thing I know, I was back at the driving institute, safe and sound. The guy examiner wrote something on the paper and passed it to me without saying much. With only one crucial question in my head, I passed the paper to the admin of the driving institute. The guy checked and calculate everything.

Me: Pass kah?
Him: Pass bah.
Me: YAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I was jumpin and prancin like I just won the 4D grand prize.)
Me: Saya ingat saya fail sudah tu masa RPK tadi sebab kena tolak banyak markah, turus saya nangis.
Another guy: Oh kau kah tu yang nangis, kau pigi tandas kan tadi.
Me: Yea.
Him: Kenapa kau nangis?
Me: Sebab saya tidak pandai jawab.
Him: Siapa tutor kau?
Me: Si XX. Tidak kena ajar yang ni dan tu.
Him: Oh bah, nanti kau tumbuk dia. (All of us giggles)

Nonetheless, the huge boulder on my shoulder was finally let go. It was a huge relieve, 15.5 hours plus additional at home practice definitely paid off.

I took my papers, went to the office and settled everything.
Little did I know that my mum was there all the time to watch me!
She even followed me secretly on the route. How cunning and lovely!

She told me that I was so much better than many other students, even the boys!
Hey, I'm better in driving than the boys?! That sounded unbelievable!
Now looking back, I was so proud of myself, I didn't quit, I didn't call my mama, I braved myself towards all the bumps both literally and figuratively that I've met along the journey to getting my driving license.

I know these might sound childish, immature, or just plain stupid to you, but for a person with depression and anxiety like me, overcoming these obstacles is a huge step for me. To you it might be just a small bump, but to me, it's Mount Kinabalu. I've always wanted to finish this task, 6 years ago I gave up because of my fear and I still regret it till now, I didn't go to the final JPJ test last time, I could have done it, but I was too afraid. RM666 and all those time and efforts were a pure waste.

Dear drivers wannabe out there, here's a tip, if you're not planning to drive a manual in the future, please consider signing up the automatic D, it may cost you about RM300 more, but it will definitely save you a lot of time, energy and money. I saw many students failed at bukit just because they can't balance their clutch and oil. They were given 3 attempts and still failed. Now they have to retake, pay more money and spend another excruciating day waiting. I'm so glad I took automatic cause I didn't have to wait that long for my turn, I heard some of the students wait until 4 pm till their turns. It was a long tiring wait, especially if you're doing it during bulan puasa. Imagine if it's a Friday, you'll have to wait for the Muslims to finish their prayer before they can continue their exam sessions.

Another tip, if possible, ask your tutor to arrange your JPJ test on a school holiday. Less car.
Thank God mine was on a school holiday.

Now that I'm an official driver, I can say hi to new found mobility and constant nagging in the car!

Also, give a pat to yourself for finishing this long post.
I just had to spit out everything =)


Thursday, June 29, 2017

I'm officially a driver! Part 1

After 15.5 hours of practice, few times of panic attacks, and a bucket of tears, finally I passed my driving test!

Driving was never my thing, I can cook, I can write, I can sing, but not handling heavy machinery. Oh and also numbers related tasks like maths and accounts, they are equally a pain in the ass.

Only my mother and God knew how much trouble I went through before the final test.
Every time before I went to the driving institute, I'll have panic attacks. The thought of having to drive a huge machine on dangerous roads scared the shit out of me, plus I'll have a total stranger sitting beside me in an enclosed space. The first and second time turned out not that bad because the tutor was quite friendly, let's call him tutor A. However, there's something not good about him too, will tell you more about that later.

It was until my third class, the manager of the institute decided to change my tutor. Let's name him tutor B. Tutor B was a short man, always looking smart wearing long sleeves button shirt even though he had to work under the hot sun. His signature was his red Boonie hat, you could easily spot him from far by just looking at that particular hat. 

Having to go through the entire "Oh-no-a-new-fierce-looking-stranger-in-my-car" thing again was not cool. Tutor B was not the friendly type, in the car, he was very quiet, also most likely assuming I knew everything. 

This is where my first tutor, tutor A's story came in.

Turned out, tutor A didn't teach me a lot of stuff! In fact, things that he taught me were all wrong and inadequate! He didn't make sure that I need to pull handbrake at certain places, he didn't remind me I need to use signals, even in the circuit(litar), he didn't tell me I need to horn every time I start and finish a task. He didn't teach me about the ramp, oh forgot to tell ya, if you learn automatic, you'll have an extra thing you need to do called the ramp. The whole point of the ramp is not to hit the pole while you go up and reverse from the front. That's it.

This website provides detailed explanation on driving lessons.

Tutor A was a really lousy tutor, I could have failed if I continue my remaining lessons with him, but thank God I didn't.

Back to tutor B, I didn't like him the moment he sat in my Axia. While I was doing my ramp, he assumed that I knew the procedure, which I didn't, he sounded kind of pissed. I got so tensed up, pressured and panicked that I mixed up the brake and oil, instead of the brake, I stepped on the accelerator. So guess what, I ran over the pole, right through it, it ended up right under the poor Axia. A loud "bang" was heard, I quickly became the center of attention in the circuit, many eyes were staring at me.

I got out of the car, completely dumbfounded, and broke down instantly.

At that particular juncture, all I wanna do was to leave, go home and never have to face him or the humiliation again.

Tutor B, who probably got shocked by the loud bang and my tears told me to cool down.
About 5 minutes later, after seeing me gaining my composure, he taught me the whole procedure of the ramp again, except that this time, with a slower and softer voice.  

I got back in the car, still sobbing and startled by the incident earlier, braved my second attempt on the ramp. This time I did it wonderfully.

And that's the story of how Winnee didn't quit for the first time. 

I gotta say, I'm so proud of myself that this time I didn't give up easily.
One of the reason was that I knew that if I quit again, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, plus RM1300 would be gone.

Stay tuned for Part 2, spoiler alert, it involved tears as well =)